Having a child in the UK can be difficult because of the paperwork so most people have kids illegally or bribe the corrupt, local officials from the Department for Sex and Family Affairs (or the SFA Department). That’s hard though, because the fine for illegal procreation is up to £5000 and confiscation of the contraband baby.
You first have to lodge an “Intention to Procreate” form, called an IP1, with the SFA and give them at least 28 days notice to approve your application.
Thankfully, plans for a medical assessment were scrapped in 2009; local people rioted after thinking that the prospect that they might fail a sex prowess exam would be too much of social stigma.
There is a fee though, of £60 if you give more than 3 months notice, or £90 if you leave it later than that. All forms must be filled in by both partners, even in same sex cases or they’ll be automatically rejected.
Also if you file, and then fail to conceive within 18 months, three times in a row, then you get taken to the mandatory fertilisation centre for forced in-vitro fertilisation. They don’t call it that, they say it’s a programme to “encourage” successful conception, but that’s what it is
If your IP1 is approved, it’s then valid for 18 months in which time you have to try and have a baby. If you get pregnant, you complete an SP1 and 2 form giving the due date and where you plan to have the baby and if not, you have to fill in an SP5, or you won’t be allowed to try again.
Finally, when the child is born, you pay a fee to register the birth and pick your name but you get your IP1 fee back so it’s not all bad… We’re British after all, we love a bit of bureaucracy, but we’re not cruel!